Still Miss You

For a long time I seldom get together with her. At first I felt very uneasy. Then I felt that I used to it.  I seem to forget her gradually. At least, I seldom feel the worry and care for her. I don’t know whether this choice is reasonable or unwise.Sometimes I will think about her, and the enjoyment and happiness when we get together.It’s a pity that I lose her forever. 

I don't know whether she notices or cares about it. Maybe I am just one of her good friends. The other day Melody said to me that no woman will treat you good without purpose.  So, does she treat me more special than other boys? I am not sure. 

I seem to be not a sensitive guy who notices others’ attitude to me.  I just know clearly that when I am with her my heart is full of joy and happiness. No matter what is the real matter, it’s clear that we are far from each other.

It’s said that persons are like hedgehogs in need of warmness. If we are too far away, we can’t get warmness from each other. If we are too close, the thorns over our body will hurt each other. Therefore, the perfect distance between persons is neither too far way nor too close. We should care for, believe and contain each other, and above all, we should leave each other a personal time and space.

It’s strange how a somewhat amazing day (filled with talks, rumbles, jokes and laughter with her) could end so disappointingly. but right now, it feels somewhat better, for which i’m glad thought about this speedy friendship, about how it had progressed ever since day 1, when i first sat beside her in the library all I know is, our barely two-months neutral friendship can never compete with a 3 years long relationship.

I will take this friendship lightly, I will just enjoy the company, the advices,   the jokes easily. just enjoy and be neutral.  I am a bright guy who knows clearly about my advantages and weakness. But it’s difficult for me to conquer my weakness. Who can help me and who can tell me what I can do? just walk away

After Forever

Clouds were very dimly lit, as they absorbed the soothing silver light being bestowed by Moon which has hiding somewhere in the background. I stood there, trying to make sense of different things hidden in the dark. Things I couldn't see and things I could see even if I had my eyes closed.

The darkness was opening up the wounds, bringing out the pain so excruciating, it was ripping me into pieces. Darkness was like a bright Sun over my memories. The loudness of silence was intense and intolerable.

That was the time when I needed you the most, needed you like air, like a desperately thirsty wanderer needs water. But I knew you had gone, never to come back again. How much I wished that I had apologized and called you back in my life, how much I hated myself for letting you go. The pain intensified on the thought that you were never coming back.

There was nothing left in my life, whatever I had wished for throughout my life had gone for good. My only reason for existence had gone, there was no way I was gonna live through this pain. That was the end of me and with me, of all those mistakes, questions, justifications, fights, everything we ever did, all the time we ever spent together and all the dreams which never came true.

This could have been a dream but this time I had so many facts like scattered puzzles which evidenced the reality. Facts which were so inflictive, they rendered me almost numb. But there was no way I could force myself out of this tormenting reality, I had to endure this.

I had lost my focus on what I was doing, I could see but couldn't make sense of anything. Then something caught my attention. There was something in the dark shining like diamonds, I didn't know what that could be but after putting some more effort I could see that those were someone's eyes mirroring my expressions. Those eyes seemed to be as tormented as I was. The shape started to move closer and I was astonished at first. I had never thought that this could be possible, I had never thought in my wildest dreams that I'd ever be able to see 'YOU' again.

You stood there, waiting for my response but what could I do as a response, I was stunned. I somehow managed to get control of my feet and moved towards you. I could clearly see that you had been in a situation no different than mine. I couldn't realize what I actually felt at that time, it was all a shuffle of emotions emanating from my insides.

We sat on a flat rock and there was nothing to talk. Our eyes had exchanged a million expressions in a moment. I promised to never let you go again. While we sat there, clouds started bestowing light drizzles which eventually turned into a heavy shower.

The clouds seemed to be having their turn to tell their sorrows. And we sat there till the first ray of light emanated from East but still, it all felt like a moment. A lifetime seemed too less now.

All I knew now was you were with me and we'll be together forever and after forever !